Bismillahhirrahmanirrahim.........
Aku mulakan posting ini dengan lafaz bismillah pada DIA-ALLAH yang sentiasa melindungi aku....Alhamdulillah sejak balik dari umah Tok Wan i can have better life walau sumtimes still rasa...but aku nie kan tabah orangnya...eheks...pasan!!!!...
Recovering is not easy...some of the benda inside me is the benda yang dah 10 tahun lebih inside me......words cant describe what i feels n suffers...namun insyaAllah hati ini masih tetap percaya dugaan ini untuk menguji betapa tabahnya aku sebagai Khalifah Dia....InsyaAllah....
Hari Khamis petang...actually since tengah hari i am feel week n week...thought could be that thing is melawan inside me. Dah minum and amalkan apa yang dipesan Tok Wan. Alhamdulillah...seems ok...just proceed to work la...sebab aku kan masuk kejer pukul 7 petang....OTW driving is really hard for me..my hand n right leg bit by bit start rasa numb...and i cant feel my hand...my office not even 1 km ...and me is driving kat Federal hiway yang masa tu quite crowded...keter belakang keeps hon kat aku...sebab aku main brek...nope...i cant control it....sambil baca few ayat suci...at last sampai jugak aku kat ofis. My energy lost cam udara. All of sudden i cant even feel myself...cant even moves my jari....it is actually early 30 minutes before i starts my shift...at the end i call my Hachi...he is in Kemaman...lucky crew boat cancelled sbb ombak ganas...nak tak nak i call my boss...
-Boss, help me....it is really painful...help me...i am at lobby, inside my car near the lift
My boss was very shocked to hear my weak voice...
-Naa, please calm...dont cry i come down now!..
He is coming...seing me pale....sweating menahan sakit!...my whole body shaking.....and i cant breath...
He brings me to clinic near my office. The Dr is also wonder...my lung, my throats, my BP and my i am not fever...but i cant breath...at last he writes me referral letter...and we are now on the way to SJMC, i choose there because they have my history....
Once there, need to wait for Dr to come...and while all the nurses is taking my BP n
weight n checking on my oxygen....all are normal...they make weird face though...thay can see i am in pain...so DRAMA!!!...
Then they asked me to rest at one bed...at that time feel ok a bit...so i am sembang dengan my boss...have a laugh sikit...cooling myself of what will be next?...then tetiba i am coughing...bad ones...n i am muntah....nothing from my stomach just air...padahal aku makan sebelum mai kejer....white clear thick liquids...and they kejarkan myself to ER....
Waiting for the dr..dr malay dr comes...i think he is near 50 dah...he marah me ...
-Dah besar takkan takleh bagitau sakit kat mana...
My whole body is in pain...and i cant tell you no matter how hard i am shouting in my heart!!! Hahahahahahahaah!!!!...at the end dr tu bagi aku ubat penenang n panadol...not even 5 minutes i am fine...just like normal...so fed up...not going to let them admit me...i asked the dr that i want to go back...my bro from Banting comes...after my kazen called him...my Hachi keeps calling...kesian my boss n Kazen..kene kelam kabut...Tok Wan suruh datang malam tu...but to be honest...i know this thing inside me is not sumthing ringan...my instinct telling me that i will sesat again...takkan nak susahkan my kazen n my bro...diorang kejer esok...so my promise is aku pegi esok...dah bgtau Tok Wan pun...
My Hachi on the way...will fetch him early morning...aku tido umah Amy that nite...entah naper i need someone to talk with....having chat n kemudian amik my Hachi....
Petang pegi umah Tok Wan...and i am sesat..i am at the right toll...but the simpang n signboard not there...really not there...at last after quite an hour round Kajang...aku benti...lepas ngamuk kat my Hachi gak...aku nampak la...dia x percaya...hmmmmm...tarik napas..baca Bismillah..call abg Rasyid...he guide me...and with one instruction...Alhamdulillah...aku sampai gak umah Tok Wan...4 jam lebih di sana...Tok Wan cerita la apa yang dia tak cerita sebelum nie...sebab dia takut aku takut..kang akan buat that thing lagi kuat...InsyaAllah...aku tabah orangnya..aku tak nangis...cuma tu la...that person wants me...but why must that way???...Jodoh bukan di tangan manusia...kalau dia datang dengan baik pasti dengan baik aku terima...Alhamdulillah...kami hanya akan pulangkan...bukan membalas...benda nie berat...betul-betul ingin aku seksa dan hilang upaya diri....Alhamdulillah rezeki aku dengan Tok Wan...syukur...
The next day....aku tetiba demam...sms Tok Wan bgtau...x lama lepas tu aku minum air yang Tok Wan bagi n mandi...n.....there are black bubbles comes out from my self...some of it berangkai n bertukar jadi jarum hitam yang aku selalu nampak..........and the pain semakin hilang...terasa macam ada udara panas yang keluar from my body...dah bgtau Tok Wan about it...even my fren see the bubbles...percaya atau tidak??? terpulang...
Hati ini masih mampu maafkan...biarlah...percayaku hanya pada DIA...DIA akan menjaga aku...Tok Wan pulangkan kembali barang yang dihantar bukan kerana kami ingin membalas...biarlah dia kembali pada tuannya yang sememangnya tahu....
Ya Allah....dugaan ini memang berat...namun kau kurniakan aku kasih dan sayang dari semua insan keliling aku....terima kasih Allah atas kurnia ini....Andai ini akhirnya pun aku redha kerana aku tidak menyerah kalah...
[ My Hachi...tq so much....My boss Damien...tq so much...tq yang tak terhingga adalah untuk Kazen aku...she helps me a lot...my Family..tq so much...My Mum n abah...doa kalian adalah yang paling penting bagiku...to all my close frens...love u all...untuk semua yang sudi doakan pada bukan sesiapa ini jugak....terima kasih..hanya itu yang aku mampu saat ini...
My Hachi is going back to his ship...will be 1 mth maybe, worried...because now is monsoon...n the ship is small compare to before]
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